Worship

“Abide” by Kingdom Culture Worship

Scripture

“And when the sixth hour had come, there was darkness over the whole land until the ninth hour. And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?” which means, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”” -Mark 15:33-34, ESV

“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest.” -Psalm 22:1-2, ESV

“But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me..” -Psalms 131:2, ESV

A Note From Julie

I’m excited for another opportunity to hear from my friend, Lanie Timko, a trauma and marriage counselor in Pennsylvania. This message is a continuation of the deep revelation from the Holy Spirt that she has been carrying for a long time. In this devotional, Lanie makes it clear how we can share in Jesus’ attachment to the Father.

Attachment: God’s Idea

I’m grateful for the opportunity to build on last week’s concepts. Thankfully I can move away from the technical language and use this week’s space to make this concept of attachment with God come alive for you.

In Part One, we came to an understanding of God’s blueprint for attachment and how it is a pre-installed survival system for the family. The parents have their own love bonds with one another, and the child shares a love bond with each parent. When lived into well, each member has the powerful capacity to experience the strengthening of heart that comes from deep connection while also becoming a light to the world.

Attachment and marriage therapy experts Sue Johnson and Kenny Sanderfer write, “We now know that love is, in actuality, the most compelling survival mechanism of the human species.” Attachment grows our identities and builds resilience and also forms our thoughts and determines what we pay attention to. Our Creator designed us to be connected in love through bonding and attachment. It leads to an internal sense of protection, safety, and emotional wholeness.

Understanding Attachment Wounds

What happens when children experience deprivation and abandonment? In the worst-case scenarios, they die. Researcher Thomas Lewis writes, “Feed and clothe a human infant but deprive him of emotional contact he will die.”

When we are deprived of emotional safety through connectedness, we develop a damaged view of self and others. An infant without secure attachment (love) comes to the conclusion that she is bad, flawed, damaged, and not allowed to exist. She’ll grow to live out these assumptions, experiencing the world and relationships in ways that reinforce the lies that she’s flawed, worthless, and the world and others are not safe and able to be trusted.

The Path to Secure Connection with God

Although I know that moving toward God into attachment is a one-step process, I also know that it’s a step of risk and vulnerability. It’s scary. What if I reach out and He doesn’t respond? What if I bring Him my pain and He’s not accessible? How do I even start to engage with Him on this, and does He truly love me enough to engage with me?

I want to assure you that it’s in God’s heart, nature, and plan of redemption to restore your attachment to Him. As I’ve been preparing for these writings, a powerful image has emerged from a place deep within my heart. Slow down your reading speed and try to hang with me for a while.

With the help of Johnson and Sanderfer, we’ve established that safe and secure attachment occurs through emotional connection and responsiveness. Basic behaviors of attachment include:

• Our experiencing emotional and physical closeness
• Our having someone responsive we can reach for when we are scared or upset
• Our having someone we miss when we are apart
• Our having someone we can count on to be there for us when we go out into the world

Jesus’s Perfect Example of Attachment

Now, it’s imperative you do not fly through this next part. Invite Holy Spirit to help you meditate on Jesus and His connection to His Father.

Take some time to think through the Gospels and Jesus’ rhythms of prayer and intimacy.

Do you remember some of the things He said to His disciples?

In John 10, Jesus declares, “‘I and the Father are one (John 10:30, emphasis added).’” He goes on to say, “‘But if I do them, even though you do not believe me, believe the works, that you may know and understand that the Father is in me, and I in the Father (John 10:38, emphasis added).’”

Going further in John to 14, Jesus shares, “‘Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words that I say to you I do not speak on my own authority, but the Father who dwells in me does his works. Believe me that I am in the Father and Father is in me … (John 14:10-11a, ESV, emphasis added).’” He explains, “‘I came from the Father and have come into the world, and now I am leaving the world and going to the Father (John 16:28, ESV, emphasis added).’” And when He tells the disciples they will scatter and leave Him, He states, “‘Yet I am not alone, for the Father is with me (John 16:32b, ESV, emphasis added).’”

Now go back up to the bullet points about the behaviors of attachment. It’s clear Jesus existed in the fullness of attachment to His Father.

The Sacrifice of Perfect Attachment

Yet in the stages leading up to and through His excruciating death (His passion), Jesus gave up this beautiful and intimate attachment relationship. He gave up His secure base and safe haven— the shalom that comes from abiding.

The Garden of Gethsemane: A Picture of Separation

His agony is first revealed in Gethsemane: “However, an intense feeling of great sorrow plunged his soul into agony. And he said to them, ‘My heart is overwhelmed and crushed with grief. It feels as though I’m dying. Stay here and keep watch with me (Matthew 26:37b-38, TPT).’” Yet even after multiple bids for them to be present with Him in His overwhelming and crushing grief, they did not respond. Desertion.

The Cross: The Ultimate Separation

Not only was Jesus abandoned and betrayed by many of his disciples as they feared for their lives, He also lost the felt presence of his Father (Matthew 27:46). Deprivation.

I will not be able to do any justice to the pain Jesus felt in the absence of His Father. Words cannot express it. Just know that desertion and deprivation of loving connection kills infants. Existing without attachment is death—a deep chasm of dark nothingness in the heart of the soul. Coldness in the absence of love’s warmth—the worst pain a soul can know.

Our Invitation to Intimate Connection

Prior to His passion, Jesus had lived in perfect connection and intimacy with His Father. However, when he endured His passion, He forsook that connection because that was your pathway to an intimate bonding relationship with your Father.

You can rest assured that Christ suffered the deepest agony of existence so that you could experience the most abundant joy a human can know—your Creator’s loving acceptance, connection, and presence. His love made attachment to God a one-step process that’s renewable moment by moment. This is something you can live in right now. You don’t need more inner-healing to experience what I’m sharing with you today. This isn’t a concept that can only be attained by going to a conference for a special impartation or reading another book. Jesus has already established this pathway for you. Trust that His suffering was enough, and the vision of your abiding and intimate connection with His Father was “the joy set before him (Hebrews 12:2).” He drank the cup of suffering and stayed nailed to the cross because He wanted to make a way for His Father to be your safe haven and secure base—your shalom. You experiencing the safety of being the beloved, now and throughout eternity.

Closing Prayer

Lord, this all makes so much sense. I can feel my longing to live intimately connected to You and to be fully enveloped by Your love. Hurts, disappointments, and my own experiences of desertion and deprivation have impacted my sense of being safe and secure in all of Your love. Jesus, You have already established the pathway for attachment (abiding). Restore me in the places of brokenness with Your felt presence. Draw me to Yourself as I trust You to stay present in the full expression of my emotions. Meet me in this new place of feeling, risking, and coming to You with all of the expressions of my heart. Jesus, help me to trust You.

About Lanie

Lanie is a resident of Grove City, Pennsylvania, who enjoys sharing with her five children her passions for skiing, the outdoors, and life. She also relishes the rare moments when she can settle into a good book, take a long run, or go on a walk with her husband. Her greatest sense of fulfillment occurs as she helps families and individuals reorganize their trauma, pain, and confusion into a place of wholehearted living and connection. She can be found on Instagram at @generationaltransformation (a brand-new concept), @lanietimko (her personal account), or @soulcareplace (her business account).